The scene of Jacob and Esau’s reunion continues, as “Esau looked up and saw the women and children,” asking “Who are these people with you?” (33:5a) Continuing his effective prostrations before Esau, Jacob answers with “The children whom God has graciously given your servant” (33:5b). With this, the pattern established by their husband and father is carried forward, as “The female servants came forward with their children and bowed down. Then Leah came forward with her children and they bowed down. Finally Joseph and Rachel came forward and bowed down” (33:6-7). Surely, this pleased the compassionate Esau. Searching out his brother’s intentions, Esau goes on to as “What did you intend by sending all these herds to meet me?” (33:8a) Of course, we, along with the hearers of the narrative know the answer, as Jacob replies by saying “To find favor in your sight, my lord” (33:8b).
We can see that Jacob has done well in keeping up the language of servant and lord. Undoubtedly, he is still fearful and hopeful. What we have seen from Jacob, though assuredly genuine, is a negotiation tactic. Jacob has sent the animals ahead of him, laying the groundwork for their face to face meeting, but Esau does not immediately acquiesce in acceptance. Things will not be so simple for Jacob. He is not going to be able to give Esau some animals and get himself off the hook. He is going to have to demonstrate some penitence. Esau makes it clear that this is not a matter of property. He says “I have plenty, my brother. Keep what belongs to you” (33:9). Jacob insists, and even ups the ante, moving beyond the use of servant and lord while also presuming Esau’s satisfaction, saying “If I have found favor in your sight, accept my gift from my hand. Now that I have seen your face and you have accepted me, it is as if I have seen the face of God. Please take my present that was brought to you, for God has been generous to me and I have all I need” (33:10-11a). With this, we’re told that Esau relents and accepts the gift, though it seems as if he does so in a way that is actually against his wishes, especially as he has demonstrated such compassion and mercy, and because there is nothing in the Scriptural record to suggest that this compassion was not genuine.
As an aside, we find a similar story of give and take and relent in connection with Abraham, which reminds us that there is a cultural component at play in this exchange between Jacob and Esau, and that it is informed by the constant struggle for honor in almost every transaction. The twenty-third chapter of Genesis opens with the report of the death of Abraham’s wife (Jacob’s grandmother), Sarah, has died. Abraham desires to obtain a burial site for Sarah, and speaks to a group of men, saying “I am a temporary settler among you. Grant me ownership of a burial site among you so that I may bury my dead” (23:4). Though we do not lose sight of Esau’s compassion, of his willingness to shame himself, and the fact that great honor accrues to him because of his extension of compassion, we keep the encounter between Jacob and Esau in mind, along with the culture of honor that even extends to routine transactions, as we listen to the exchange between Abraham and these men. Abraham receives a favorable answer, as he hears, “Listen, sir, you are a mighty prince among us! You may bury your dead in the choicest of our tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb to prevent you from burying your dead” (23:6). The negotiations have begun.
Abraham “got up and bowed down to the local people,” saying “If you agree that I may bury my dead, then hear me out. As Ephron the son of Zohar if he will sell me the cave of Machpelah that belongs to him… Let him sell it to me publicly for the full price, so that I may own it as a burial site” (23:8-9). Though this will be a great honor for Ephron, an immediate acceptance of payment from Abraham would be a source of dishonor. Also, as every such transaction is an opportunity to elevate oneself in the honor and shame struggle, getting Abraham to purchase more than that for which he has expressed interest will gain him some honor, as it demonstrates his shrewdness and savvy. Of course, this will not be unexpected by Abraham.
The negotiation continues, as Ephron, couching the offer as a demonstration of magnanimity while also extending the range of purchase (a rather regular feature in transactions in the culture) says, “No, my lord! Hear me out. I sell you both the field and the cave that is in it. In the presence of my people I sell it to you. Bury your dead” (23:11). Ephron has called attention to the fact that there are many witnesses to this negotiation, which is a tacit reminder of the honor game that is being played. Hearing this, Abraham bows again and says “Hear me, if you will. I pay to you the price of the field. Take it from me so that I may bury my dead there” (23:13b). We’ll notice that Abraham does not yet name a price, leaving this to Ephron to propose---another feature of the game of honor. Abraham receives the response of “Hear me, my lord. The land is worth four hundred pieces of silver, but what is that between me and you? So bury your dead” (23:15). Though Ephron has been forced to name the price (and thus losing that end of the game), by his words, he attempts to position the price as so low that it is practically a gift to Abraham, as the game continues. Those that have spent any amount of time in the east, whether living there or simply visiting, will be familiar with this type of exchange.
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